I heard a rumour that Walmart had installed a brand new medical machine, it only costs $5 and can diagnose any condition. I have had a saw elbow for a while now, so I went to Walmart and submitted my urine sample. A couple of minutes later the computer printed out “You have tennis elbow, avoid any heavy lifting and soak it in warm water often.”
I was very impressed and did wonder if I could fool the machine, I went home and made a mixture of tap water and dog poo, urine samples from my daughter and wife, and then for the final element I pleasured myself into the mix.
The next day I went back to Walmart, poured mixture into the medical machine and paid the $5. A couple of minutes later the computer printed out the following:
1) Your water is too hard, use a softener.
2) Your dog needs antibiotics; he has ringworm.
3) Your daughter needs to go to rehab; she’s on cocaine.
4) Your wife is expecting a baby; they’re not yours, get a lawyer.
5) If you keep playing with yourself, your f*cking elbow won’t get better!!.
Thank you for shopping at Walmart.