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I had a surprise at dinner tonight

I had a surprise at dinner tonight - funny stories

During lunch at work, I ate three plates of beans (which I know I shouldn’t). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and said, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.” He then blindfolded me and sat me down at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to take off my blindfold, the phone rang. He told me not to touch the blindfold until he returned and left the room to answer the call.

The beans I had ate started to bother me, and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room, I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a body decomposing in cow sh*t! I took my napkin from my lap and tried to fan the smell away. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than fermented eggs. I kept listening to the conversation in the other room and carried on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The relief was indescribable! Eventually, the telephone conversation finished which signalled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, fixed myself up a bit and put my hands on my knees feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned and apologised it took so long. He asked me if I had taken off the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, “Happy Birthday!”

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